Midnight Masquerader
by xx.aesthetic
Summary: “Why are you trying to kill me in my sleep?” “Because, I am Midnight Masquerader. You have been chosen.” “…Ino?” “…” “…” “Yes, Shikamaru-kun?” In which Shikamaru is confused and tired, and Ino just wants her boyfriend dead. .:Shika x Ino:. .:Crack!:.


Authoress' Note: A few one-shots have been haunting my mind lately, and I feel the need to write them. Please, go easy on the flames, would you? Eventually, they'll burn down my house.

The title is… well, I seem to like it some.

OOCness abounds. I've warned you.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

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**Midnight Masquerader**

It was now nighttime, and Konoha had fallen into a deathly eerie silence. Not a thing was still conscious, other than the yellow eyes that watched darkness, and the owls that hooted into the night. The streets perfectly still, save a chilling, howling wind.

Until the clock struck twelve.

A silhouette ripped through the streets, clad in all black. What was left in her wake was swiveling paper and misplaced dirt; good. In the morning, it seemed, no one would notice a thing. No, not a single thing. That was, if the body was disposed of correctly.

She had reached her destination. With powerful legs, she sprung into a tree, directly beside as house. She peered inside the dark room, and her eyes caught sight of the unmoving lump in the bed. Excellent. Everything was in place.

Reaching forward with arms dressed in all black, she was delighted to find that the window had been unlocked. She pushed it open, before slipping inside the house silently. Reaching down to her holster, she extracted a sharp kunai, which reflected the moonlight ominously.

One more noiseless leap, and she had straddled her sleeping victim in his bed. She would slit his throat; quick and easy. As she lowered her kunai knife, her breath hitched in her throat, as the so-called victim caught her wrist.

………………………………………………………………

When Shikamaru felt a cold breeze on his face, he opened his eyes. The instant he did, however, there was a heavy weight on his waist. Squinting weary eyes, he was only faintly aware of his predicament.

He was about to be killed.

(Yes, _right_…)

His instincts sharpened, he quickly reached up and grabbed the persons wrists. A gasp was heard, and it was a gasp that hadn't belonged to him.

The male studied the perpetrator the best he could in the faint silver moonlight. He—or judging by the weight, _she—_had premeditated what she was going to do, seeing as how what she wore seemed black. He could only dimly see her eyes, as they twinkled in silver lighting.

Shikamaru frowned into the darkness—who in the world would want to kill _him_? What had he ever done that was so bad? (Or not done?)

"Who are you, and why the hell are you trying to kill me in my sleep?" his voice was grave, as he did not take lightly to killers.

She hesitated, not wanting to give her identity away. (Not that it mattered. She was going to kill him, one way or another. He _wouldn't_ survive.) Lowering her voice (so he wouldn't notice it if he somehow managed to escape) she spoke, "I am Midnight Masquerader, and you have been chosen."

The voice was familiar to his ears, so much so that the possibility of dying was gone. He wasn't sure, but could that have feasibly been "…Ino?"

Her eyes widened a great degree; she had been figured out.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

(_Awkward_)

"Y-yes, Shikamaru-kun?"

Suddenly, he grasped her other wrist tightly in his hand, switching there positions, and making sure to seize the kunai. He threw the weapon away from them. One hand pinning her wrists above her head, he used the other to switch his lamp on.

Shikamaru glared, before tugging a bandana that had been tied above her nose loose. "What the hell is the matter with you, Ino? _Why_ exactly are you trying to kill me? _Why_ did you sneak into my room?" he hissed.

So many questions haunted him… and he was rather pissed as well, to say the least. Waking up at twelve 'o' clock midnight was not pleasant at all, and finding that his girlfriend of only a month was trying to kill him wasn't that enjoyable either.

(She was crazier than he had imagined.)

Ino bit her lip regretfully (not for wanting to kill him, but for getting caught) and looked toward the opened window. "Why should I tell you? I owe you _nothing_," she said icily, looking back up at him with a cold glare. "Release me at once."

Shikamaru squeezed her wrists in his hands, effectively extracting a high-pitched squeak.

She gritted her teeth, "Damn it Shikamaru, that _hurt_!" Her hands balled into fists while she was attempting to pull her wrist apart.

"Yes, and it also would have hurt if you had slit my throat, huh?" Shikamaru raised an eyebrow, before smirking at her frown. "You don't think that you really would have killed me, do you? I'm better than you think."

"Yes, I do! And you're nothing but a smug bas—" He squeezed her wrists once more. "—_Ow_! Shikamaru-_kun_, stop it!" Just like that, the anger was replaced with a whine, "I said you're hurting me! _Stop_ it!"

"I heard," Shikamaru replied huskily, leaning down closer to her. "And you need to be quiet before my parents hear as well."

She could almost shiver when she felt his hair fall on her cheeks. (She'd have to remember that this was how he looked with his hair down, because she was sure she would kill him.) "I _will_ scream, and _hope_ your parents hear that."

Her blues eyes narrowed after the harsh whisper.

He smirked. "_Fine_. Scream if you like. I'm sure that they'd _love_ to hear that my teammate was attempting to kill me," he commented slyly, "This calls for blackmail."

"_Blackmail_?" Her jaw fell slack incredulously at the statement. "You can't blackmail your _girlfriend_! That's just wrong! And what more do you want from me anyway?" No reply, just a hard stare. She shifted underneath him uncomfortably. "Shikamaru, you're an idiot. Rape is just as illegal as attempted murder."

"I think I know that, Ino." He shook his head. "I don't want that, and besides, it's not rape if it's consensual," Shikamaru trailed off, a scowl slowly making its way onto his face at her blush.

(She was a _prude_, maybe?

Nah.)

"What I want is for you to tell me what you're doing in here."

That was it? _That_ was all he wanted to know? Inwardly, Ino ranted about how much of a fool he was. He could make her do _anything_, (really, _anything_) and that was all he wanted to know. What a fool…

She smiled, regaining her composure. "Alright then, simple enough. I'm in here because I want(ed) to kill you."

There.

Simple.

How she could say that with a straight face, he would never know. He sighed. "_Why_?" He urged, growing annoyed.

She looked away, and Shikamaru was left to ponder why, though not for long as she met his eye with a newfound vigor. "Okay, you've got me: I'll spill. See, the other day, I was washing the dishes—well, wait no, not really washing, because we have a dishwasher and all, but anyway—while I was in the kitchen, I looked out the window—y'know, the one in the kitchen? Hey, have you ever even _been_ to my house? Yeah, well, anyway—"

He should have never asked. Now he was enduring a fate even worse than death: pointless rambling.

"—oh, and I remember too! There was this big nasty spider on the window—which was rather filthy, by the way—and I hit it with the frying pan I was holding, thus, of course, shattering the glass to bits and killing the hideous thing. Daddy came in and yelled at me, and said that since I was old enough to accept the consequences, I'd have to pay for it. I kinda tuned him out though, cause he talks too much—"

"Sounds familiar," he muttered under his breath. (Un)fortunately, Ino didn't hear it over the loudness of her own voice.

"—and I hate people that talk too much."

Sigh. "Me too."

"So, while I was tuning Daddy out, this weird thought just came to mind. I wanted to become one of those kaito's—y'know, phantom thieves—but I didn't favor stealing old, raggedy stuff. Instead, I could became a phantom _killer_! A _masquerader_! I wanted to be like one of those people who lurk at night at strike at a certain time—midnight for me—like a ninja kinda—!"

"You _are_ a ninja," Shikamaru interjected tiredly. Really, he was bored of her talk.

"It's rude to interrupt, _Shikamaru-kun_!" she snapped. "Right. Anyway, then I got this _really_ good idea. I thought, what if I slew my lover—you—and made it look like a wild act of passion, though nobody knew it was me, and they all though it was a phantom killer who really _was_ me? Then, I'd become the emo depressed damsel—or maiden, which ever floats your boat—and some sexy prince would melt the ice cube that I would have became. After that, we'd all live happily ever after—after getting over the death of you, of course."

And so, it ended.

Ino took a deep breath and shut her eyes tiredly. "That's it, Shikamaru. That's was why I wanted to kill you. It's a good idea, right?" Raising her eyebrows, she was hopefully awaiting a positive response.

Shikamaru, who was in an odd daze, released her wrists and sat on the edge of the bed. He placed his aching head in his hands. "Forget I asked. Forget this ever happened—I don't care anymore. Just go home, Ino. I'm tired."

The blonde sat forward, eyeing his weary person. "There's more though." He groaned. "It _was_ a good idea, but I thought back to all the fairytales and such, and they only show the part when the guy and the girl get together. I mean, what if this so-called prince charming ends up being a creep after her gets the girl? That's when I realized that life kinda wouldn't be the same without you."

On her hands and knees, she crawled over to him, resting her chin on his bare shoulder. "I wouldn't have actually done it, if _that's_ why you're angry." Her arms went around his abdomen. "Stop being grouchy, and you'll have yourself a bedmate tonight."

"Whatever." _Yes_.

"No action though, I'm awaiting a visit from Aunt Flow."

Gross. Why the hell would she tell him something like _that_?!

And damn! He though he was gonna get lucky…

* * *

_**Owa—**_

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Maybe they could beat it.

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_**Owari! I Hate Freggin' Interruptions…**_

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Authoress' Note: That made no sense at all. That's what crack gives you, I suppose.

-sigh-

I suppose a review is in order, no?


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